is it any easier?

hey everyone.

pardon me for getting mushy for a sec.

is it any easier if you aren't as sensitive as me? meaning: if you don't cry whenever someone with you is crying, because you hate to let anyone feel that awful by themselves...is it easier to accept the fact that she is growing up?

is it easier if you have more than one child? meaning: does the hurt in your heart ease a bit with each successive child, because they prepare you a bit more each time you go through it?

is it easier if you have a boy? meaning: when i look at her, i sometimes cringe at the thought of other girls potentially being mean to her...or a boy breaking her heart some day.

is it easier if you aren't as close? meaning: i love that she and i can finish each other's sentences...and we like so many of the same things. if we were total opposites, would it be as hard?

i suspect the answer to every single one of these is 'no, it isn't any easier'.

this growing up thing...adolescence...is hard, isn't it? it's hard on the child, it's hard on the parents. even though we know it is bound to happen...and we think we've prepared as much as possible, we still are shocked when those days roll around, aren't we?

when they switch gears and ask for a random 'alone' moment.
or a new haircut that is a 'style', because they want to seem mature.
and when you take them school shopping...and all she keeps mentioning is what she saw the girls wearing when she visited the middle school at the end of the last school year...and how she wants to be cool.
and trendy.
and hip.
and think for herself.
and do her own hair.
and choose her own outfits.
andandandandandand...

it just overwhelmed me today.
it's as if she transformed right before my very eyes.
still my little girl.
yet now, a beautiful, smart young lady all at the same time.

and i tried my hardest not to cry...
right there in the middle of the mall.
walking along with her...she had a different bounce in her step.
it was so obvious to me.
it was confident.
yet hesitant.
putting one foot in front of the other...
yet holding back a half pace at the same time.

my god.
just look at her.
ready to take on the world at any given moment.
and me.
holding back a tear or two (hundred, lol).
but more proud of who she is than at any other time in her short life.

let's do this, kiddo.
middle school awaits.
and i will be here every single step.

just waiting...for it to get a bit easier.